If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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