So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
