Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
