If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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