When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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