If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
