Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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