Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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