hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
