That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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