you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like having sex with a tree stump
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
