He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Semen is not good for contacts.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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