I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
