I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
