she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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