we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
