Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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