If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
