Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
