so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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