Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
