Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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