Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
