i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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