he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
