return my video game
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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