the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Damn victory sex feels great
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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