took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
