Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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