just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
