I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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