we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
