i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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