like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
