Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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