cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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