Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
