Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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