Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The best revenge is premature balding
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize