I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
