We won't sleep together?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
