You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
