It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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