Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
