New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
