apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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