All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
