so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
