somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize