so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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