i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize