there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize