I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
