You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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