Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
