He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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