hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
