my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize