she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
