I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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