I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
