She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
