Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
