I want you more than these girls want KFC
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
