dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
