I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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