fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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