Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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