Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize