Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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