And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
