youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
