Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
