he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
